Know Your Joe: Deep Six
by Red Witch
Summary: Quick Kick and Short Fuse pester another victim for an interview and get more than they bargained for.


**The disclaimer telling you that I don't own GI Joe characters has been sent out to sea somewhere. Just another informative fic about those Joes we know oh so little about. Maybe we're better off not knowing these things, but that's not gonna stop me. HA! I'm just gonna keep doing them for the fun of it!**

**Know Your Joe: Deep Six**

"Welcome once again to Know Your Joe!" Short Fuse said cheerfully to the camera. "I'm Short Fuse."

"And I'm Quick Kick," Quick Kick waved. "Still bringing you our important series on the Joes who live and work here."

"Important to **who**?" Low Light asked as he watched the television. "Does anybody really care that they're doing this?"

"Except for the people who sell us all those bandages after they do a show I can't imagine," Lifeline shrugged. "You would not believe the invoice prices since they started this!"

"What would it take for them to **finish **this?" Shipwreck asked. "That's the Sixty Four Dollar question!"

"Today we're down here in the submarine section of the Joe base," Short Fuse reported. "Submarine section? Is that right?"

"Probably not but who cares?" Quick Kick shrugged. "Today we're going to interview one of the most elusive Joes on the team, our very own diving expert Deep Six!"

"Deep Six? They're gonna interview that cold fish? That guy makes Beach Head look like Mr. Personality," Shipwreck remarked. "And that's an accomplishment."

"How in the world did they get Deep Six to agree to an interview?" Lady Jaye asked. "We'd have an easier time getting one from Rodney Dangerfield! And he'd have more of a personality."

"No respect, no respect…" Shipwreck pulled at his collar.

"For the last time you goons get out of here!" Deep Six shouted. He was working on one of the SHARCs. "I TOLD YOU I'D RATHER BE DEAD THAN BE ON YOUR STUPID SHOW!"

"With him it would be hard to tell the difference," Shipwreck remarked.

"Okay let's start with the basics," Short Fuse spoke. "Your real name is Malcolm Willoughby, right?"

"Go away," Deep Six snarled.

"You're our resident diving expert as well as the SHARC pilot," Short Fuse continued. "SHARC stands for Submersible High Speed Attack Recon Craft for those who didn't know."

"Go away."

"It's like a big ol' flying submarine," Quick Kick said cheerfully.

"It is a big old flying submarine," Short Fuse corrected.

"What part of 'Go away' do you morons not understand?" Deep Six snapped.

"Yeah but it's a very complicated flying submarine," Quick Kick said. "And it's not really that big. I mean only two people can fit in there."

"But it's still a flying submarine nevertheless," Short Fuse said.

"Leave me alone!" Deep Six snapped.

"It's said that you were chosen from 50 candidates for the Joe team," Short Fuse went on. "And you won by holding your breath the longest."

"You should try it sometime!" Deep Six snapped. "Now get out of here and leave me alone!"

"You're kind of the strong silent type aren't you?" Quick Kick asked.

"Not that hard considering you guys never let a guy get a word in edgewise! If you two don't shut your traps I'll shut them for you!" Deep Six snapped as he held up a wrench.

"Wait! We haven't told people about your hobbies!" Short Fuse said. "You love solitaire and the New York Times crosswords puzzles."

"Yeah, those are things I can do **alone!**" Deep Six snapped. "GET THE POINT?"

"You also love collecting bottlecaps," Short Fuse continued. "What's up with that?"

"Yeah that is kind of weird," Short Fuse said. "Why do you like them?"

"For starters they **don't talk!**" Deep Six snapped. "Now listen up and listen good because this is the last time I am going to say this, I like to be alone! I like things **quiet!** That means absolute **silence!** No talking! No noise! No music! No stupid questions or people babbling on about stuff nobody wants to hear about! No **nothing!** Nada! Zip! GOT IT?"

"What about when the machinery rattles and makes that rat-tat-tat-dinng sound?" Quick Kick asked.

"Oh I hate that," Short Fuse said. "That is so annoying! Almost as annoying as that when things go squeeeeeek-squeeeek!"

"Oh that is awful," Quick Kick agreed. "But what's really bad is when things go drip, drip, drip…plop!"

"Speaking of drips…" Deep Six now had a crazed look in his eyes and went inside the SHARC.

"Yeah and when things go ping, ping, ping…" Short Fuse went on. "Those sounds are horrible, right Deep Six? Deep Six?"

The SHARC rose up in the air. "There is one sound I do like…" Deep Six announced. "THIS!" 

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

The Joes cheered on Deep Six as he used the lasers of the SHARC to chase around Quick Kick and Short Fuse. "I always said Deep Six was a pretty cool guy," Shipwreck grinned. "We should really invite him to some of our outings."

"Yeah all we have to do is say we're gonna use Quick Kick and Short Fuse for target practice," Low Light agreed. "If that won't get him to come I don't know **what **will!"


End file.
